|
2010 Olympia Co-Ed Traveling Team |
 |
Liam, Santana, Ron, Corey, Phil, Lucho, Andrea, Kathy (kneeling) Dante, Pam, Will, Hannah, Ian (sitting) Shannon, Jon, Andrew, Beth, Wynne |
Aloha, Oly! The recap fairy (RF) here—from 35,000 feet above the Pacific.* She has a little more of a tan and a little more sand in her bra than when she abandoned Oly last week.
*okay, so not anymore. . . pretend this recap came on a slow boat across the Great Sea.
Inspired by intrepid herders Will and Hannah, 15 Olympians (with a New Yorker, a Vancouverite, and a Colombian for good measure) managed to get themselves to O’ahu and the Hopu Ka Lewa tournament. We made our way out of the Honolulu airport, discarding piles of polar fleece in our wake. The nine Oly team members lucky enough to ride in Ian’s seven-passenger rental vehicle got a prompt introduction to Hawaiian cuisine at Richie’s Drive In. For only $6, you too can have fried spam with rice AND macaroni salad in a Styrofoam container.
View Left |
View Right |
We set up camp under the trees at Waimanalo Bay Park, within view of the turquoise ocean and French-vanilla-colored beach, and we wandered across the highway to the big white tent at the Honolulu Polo Grounds. Inside we found, along with a gaggle of Hawaiian teams, dozens of pale northwesterners wiggling their surprised bare toes in the 75-degree night air. From the opening ceremony cheers, we learned: that even overeducated white people can manage the chorus of “I’ve got hoes in different area codes” if harangued long enough by Hannimal Wahl; that Hawaiian players are fond of pantsing friends and strangers alike; and that there would be stiff competition in the weekend’s tournament-sanctioned boat races. Boat-race captain Liam called practice after dinner, and Beth, eager to shed her reputation as a boat-race liability, downed her beer and turned to Pam and the fairy to proclaim, “buuuurp. That wasn’t so hard!”
The ultimate began Saturday morning at 8:00 am. This is a time of day at which Oly is, historically speaking, not particularly sprightly. This is also a time of day when the recap fairy focuses on the simple things (like whether there are fire ants in her underpants) and she does not even remember she is the recap fairy. About game 1, she can give you this: O played Almos’ Pirates, Try Wait!. This name is as confusing to the fairy as it is to you. The sun was hot and they were fast. One of their players wore dress pants and a shirt and tie the entire game, remarking in a maniacal Hawaiian way that the weather was cool. Dante skied somebody tall and lanky, impressing himself and others. We threw the disc to their poachers like we were happy to see them. We scored some points (maybe 8), and they scored more (something like 11). Pam thought to herself, “Uh oh. It’s going to be one of those tournaments.”
But no, O got a handle on things against Rowboat. No Spawnfest repeats here. Liam and Jon kicked their D into fifth gear. Shannon won the first treasure hunt of the tournament (and an enthusiastic hug) by spotting a rowboat lady’s lost wedding-ring diamond. We jumped ahead and didn’t look back. 8-6 at hard cap. The major casualty of the game, though, was Beth’s wrist, sprained and strained by a poaching wench. Aaargh.
While Beth iced, we took on Pucker, another Hawaiian opponent, and we traded points to 5’s. Wynne rescued the disc from traffic again and again. For 6-5, Ian sent it long to RF, who fairy-dusted her hand for a one-handed grab on the line and another one of a fast-rising put for the score. Ian snagged the winning score on the home sideline against a bulldozer of a defender. 8-6 O at hardcap. Nice time for a bye and a dip in the ocean.
O was on its best recap-worthy behavior against Electros, another island team. Lucho launched one to Kathy, who scooted behind her tall male defender, waited for the throw to crest him, and smiled sweetly as he turned to watch her catch the score. Beth, bearing athletic-tape armor, was back in business. She hit Ron in the back of the endzone and caught three more scores herself. O threw perhaps our most effective zone of the year, including a classic Andrew handblock in the cup. It was 7-1 at half when we lost a hotly contested boatrace despite Melissa’s mercenary efforts. Shannon hit the field with a one-finger D that sent an Electro man peering backwards between his legs at the disc and wondering what had happened. O wound up the game with a different kind of “Z” when Pam helped Andrew off the home sideline and swung it away to Ian, who sent it back back home to Lucho, who mailed it away across the endzone to Jon. 13-4 against a higher-seeded and better-acclimated team.
With a Sunday-morning first-round bye on the line, O met Cyberninjas, a team boasting binary sports bras and an exhibitionist Mario Lopez look-alike in a red wrestling singlet. (Look, Mario! You made the recap!) Corey juked his defender early for a throw from Shannon and bombed it to Wynne. Then the raspberry party started. When Will, in his Hopu promotional email, described the fields as “lush,” he likely violated the Washington Consumer Protection Act. The fields might be better described as “volcanic dust on lava rock.” Anyone looking for a festering scrape got one. Hannah owned the endzone, and acquired a few mouthfuls of red dirt. Liam sacrificed a hip on layout D number 35 of the day. Jon ninja rolled to his feet after infusing his knee with pumice fragments. And Will laid out big to deny a put on the sideline, picking up a mean shin scrape and ending his ankle’s 2010 Hopu run. 11-2 O.
 |
 |
Like all good pirates, we rubbed salt water in our wounds, dug out our eye patches, and headed or dinner. We lost an official boatrace to Calaskawaii, the eventual boatrace champions of the world, and decided that we preferred the moonlit beach to the questionable DJ. Pirates hate it when a DJ can’t stick with a musical genre. Arrrr.
In the morning, we met more Hawaiians--the Hucking Faoles. Wynne said, “nice to meet you” on the first point with a ¾-field forehand to Dante, who put it layout distance in front of Liam. We traded points to threes and hunkered down for a battle. When we looked up again it was 7-3 at half. The Faoles scratched back to 8-6, then Andrew sent a big swing to Liam, who liberated a huge backhand, laying his defender out with a thud and hitting a busting Hannah. Shannon played backup and scooped up the ensuing floater behind a crowd of would-be receivers for 9-6. Final 12-7 O against a skilled and spirited bunch.
We then found ourselves in familiar territory—facing Tacoma (disguised as Captain Fatbeard) in semifinals. We came out brandishing our swords as Liam hit the fairy with a breakmark backhand on the first point. Lucho fired off a bullet of a forehand, and Hannah scooped it up for 2’s. For a tropical honey point deluxe at 3’s, Andrew and Wynne rescued each other’s questionable throws, then Wynne cleared long for a one-hand snag of Andrew’s forehand put. Ian’s wicked I-O in the middle set up another Liam break-mark assist to Phil. Andrew sent a looping, cross-field backhand to Beth from the home sideline, and she backed that a** up right into the endzone. 5-7 at half. Even Beth’s booty wasn’t enough to stave off Tacoma, tho. 5-11 final. We certainly won the cheer with Wynne’s South-Park inspired Christmas classic “Oh Holy Shit.” (“Faaaaaall on your faaaace and scraaape your fucking eeeeelbows. Oh hooo-oly shit. . . “) Will finished it off by nailing a Kyle speech: “Well, we came all this way to learn what we’ve known all along. . . we lose to Tacoma in semis. . .”
 |
 |
After hiding in the shade and inhaling oversized sandwiches, we made friends with Calaskawaii, a drunken and rowdy bunch with a player in an octopus costume, an 8-gallon jug of beer wearing a jersey, and a skinny guy named Joel in a green lace nighty who showed the fairy his balls without provocation. It was 7-1 at half when their ladies suggested an all-estrogen point. It was a fast and flowy point that ended (how else?) with a Hannimal endzone layout. The O ladies were not so much up to the all-lady boatrace challenge, tho, getting spanked thanks to the fairy’s dainty throat. 11-5 Oly.
The only thing between O and the A-pool bronze was Butter Me Timbers from the Bay Area. It was looking to be a tough slog. Captain Will couldn’t sit still, and gimped up and down the sideline in a pair of monumentally dirty white shorts. Andrew got us rolling against the zone with a series of throws to his favorite sideline target, Mr. Nunlist, setting up a Ron put to Lucho in the corner. Hannah’s layout D paved the way for an Ian-Andrew-Ian give-n-go for the score. 2-4 Butter. . . 6-7 butter at half. Pam’s hot D put the disc back in O’s hands, though, and Andrew sent it to Dante. In one of the prettiest points of the weekend, Corey and Kathy ran the show—also starring Phil O’Mara in the middle—for an upwind point. 8-7 and we were rolling. At 10-7 (cap at 11), Ian made had some “this is my last tournament, dammit” D on the sideline. The wind pushed his forehand out the back, but O’s zone forced another turn. Jon called Malcolm Wynne as Ian walked to the disc and ended his career with a nice little backhand. 11-7 and the bronze for O.
Speaking of bronze, we spent the next day on the beach at Hanauma Bay, lounging on towels and communing with sea turtles, neon fish, and a monk seal named Isabella. After everyone else moved on to more posh accommodations, an able team of O stragglers armed with rum, cookie dough, and zesty brownies rallied a late-night picnic and “won the shit out of that campground.”*
*Nunlist, C., 2010.
Three cheers for the great state of Hawai’i, Hannah and Will, and some great traveling partners! Bug in your ear, Oly: we’re invited by our favorite South-American to the co-ed tournament in Bogota—early spring 2012. Start practicing your spelling of “Colombia” now. !Que viva ultimate! xoxo, RF
"Put your entire team in the spotlight. Thanks to them, you're able to experience a level of success that you wouldn't have been able to achieve on your own. Remember that when it's your turn to help one of them out."